2:03 AM
Blog Fasion
- Animated Shorts
- Behind the Scenes
- Audio Commentary
- Parental Advisory: Explicit Content
- Bonus Features Not Rated
Warning from publisher to reader:
At HarperCollins, we are committed to customer satisfaction. Before proceeding with your purchase, please take the following questionnaire to determine your likelihood of enjoying this book:
1. Which of the following do you appreciate?
(a) Women with somewhat horse-ish facial features.
(b) Women who, while not super Jew-y, are more identifiably Jewish than, say, Natalie Portman.
(c) Frequent discussion of unwanted body hair.
2. Are you offended by the following behavior?
(a) Instructing one's grandmother to place baked goods in her rectal cavity.
(b) Stripping naked in publicâ€"eleven times in a row.
! (c) Stabbing one's boss in the head with a writing implement.
3. The best way to treat an emotionally fragile young girl is:
(a) Murder the main course of her Thanksgiving dinner before her very eyes.
(b) Tell her that her older sister is prettier than she, and then immediately die.
(c) Prevent her suicide by recommending she stay away from open windows.
If you read the above questions without getting nauseous or forming a hate Web site, you are ready to buy this book! Please proceed to the cashier.
Amazon Exclusive: A Letter from Sarah Silverman
My name is Sarah Silverman. I was once primarily known for saying the word "poop" and getting paid above market rates for it. But those days are over, because I am now goin! g to be known for having written a book. Why did I write a bo! ok, you might wonder? Because it just seemed like the right time to be getting into the publishing industry.
I'm kidding. Publishing is rotting like an abandoned possum carcass on the shoulder of I-95. I know that for a fact, because shortly after my book deal was announced, I kept hearing people lament the imminent demise of literature. These days there is only one reason to write a book: to be taken seriously. And that is exactly what is about to happen to me. I'm an author now! Like Ernest Hemingway and Fyodor Dostoevsky!
When I was asked to provide text for an author page, I decided to approach it in a scholarly manner, because that's what authors do. I looked to other author pages for inspiration, and I learned so much. For example, while Hemingway and Dostoevsky do not have their own author pages on Amazon.com, Paris Hilton does. And so does former teenage porn star and multi-tasking fellatrix, Traci Lords. Hemingway and Dostoe! vsky might be wondering, quite literally, "Whom do I have to blow to get my own author page?" If someone had a cruel sense of humor, they might respond to Hemingway, "How about your head off? Oh wait â€" you already DID that!" But such a remark would be in bad taste, and as a serious author, I'm above all that.
I also learned that Paris' dog, Tinkerbell Hilton, has her own book too. I read a few pages and found the prose to be overwrought, but you can imagine that, being a dog, she'd be coming from a place of needing to prove something. By the way, here's a quote from a review of Paris' book that I found on her Amazon.com author page:
"Heiress, socialite, model, actress, singer and media darling Hilton loves her life, knows how to get what she wants and matter-of-factly explains how anyone can be a glamorous, fun-loving, tiara-wearing heiress just like her… [Paris’] advice to 'channel your own inner heiress, create your own image, ! and project an extreme sense of confidence' is an empowering m! essage f or young women."
This was profoundly inspiring to me. It made me realize: if young women can read Hilton's book and become heiresses, they can likewise read my book and become anxiety-ridden bedwetters. And amidst this generation of disposability that favors the digital over the physical, shopping online rather than in stores (oops, this is awkward!), and reading from LCD screens rather than from print on paper, it's nice to know that I will have left a permanent stain by which future generations shall know of my existence. So read The Bedwetter, if not for me, then for the children.
Sarah Silverman says what’s on her mind. And no one else’s. In this first season of the critically acclaimed The Sarah Silverman Program, Sarah gets hepped up on cough syrup, takes in a homeless man and poops her pants. With her unique perspective on life and her ability to turn just about everything into a song, find out why Sarah Silverman is an American ! treasure. An offensive, filthy-mouthed treasure.Crass, narcissistic, and utterly oblivious to the pain, suffering, or even the reality of anyone outside of herself, Sarah Silverman--a character played by sly hipster comedienne Sarah Silverman (the standout in a crowded field of comedians in The Aristocrats)--tops the characters of Seinfeld for dizzying comic insufferability. In the six episodes of The Sarah Silverman Program, Silverman goes on a cough-syrup-hallucination-fueled car ride, takes in a homeless man to prove her humanitarianism, founds an AIDS charity on the possibility that she might have AIDS, shepherds a little girl (the outstanding Laura Marano, Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?) through the child beauty pageant that she lost in her own youth, explores lesbianism, and goes out for batteries. Every scenario, simple or absurd, is crammed thick with deranged (yet uncomfortably real) behavior and over-the-top turns (such as wh! en Silverman, having had an unfortunate moment while trying to! pass ga s, has her prayers answered by God...with whom she then has a one-night stand). The supporting cast (including Silverman's sister Laura Silverman, Jay Johnston, Steve Agee, and Brian Posehn) all have their own appalling moments, which they execute with aplomb. Silverman's humor offends some while inspiring rabid devotion in others. It's best to know what you're getting into before you watch it; jokes about abortion, homosexuality, terminal illness, and scatology abound, delivered with unrepentant enthusiasm and outright joy. Silverman, for all her taboo-breaking, just wants to make the world a funnier place. For her fans, she has succeeded. The Sarah Silverman Program - Season One has some splendid extras, including an abundance of extra songs, karaoke sing-alongs, alternate versions of the show's intro, and garrulous commentaries. --Bret FetzerJoin Sarah Silverman and friends for the second season of her critically acclaimed Comedy Central series. Watch as sh! e gets high for the first time, drives into Osama bin Laden (or at least people she believes look like him), suffers from bed-wetting and becomes homeless. Had enough yet? Well she also mocks the institution of marriage…by marrying her dog. Disgusted? Offended? Think we’re lying? Then watch now and see for yourself!
